A silent soliloquy




As I drove through the wilderness circumscribed by Mahua and Palash trees, weeds and overgrown bushes, I was also fighting myself back. My ride was a 135cc motorcycle and if I’d ever get somewhere, it would be Palamu. I say that because I never knew if I’d ever get there. Bypassing trouble I mean. My apprehensions, I must say, should have found a way out into my brains had I been new to the region. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. I knew Palamu for the last 24 years. I was born in a small missionary hospital in Palamu and had witnessed my childhood and adolescence in a small borough in the region. I knew its places, its languages, its people, the weather, you name it and I could show you all its elements at any given time. But as my bike slithered on NH-75 which connects Ranchi, the Capital of Jharkhand, to Palamu, my being, I was afraid, was about to be questioned. The day was observed as a total Economic Bandh. Bandhs, which are more of a customary tradition of contemporary Jharkhand, are total suspensions of all economic, political and social activities, called upon by armed outfits, and extremist insurgents who aim at nothing more than meeting their own vested interests. Consequently, NH-75 was lifeless. There were no vehicles commuting. All traffic was suspended. I was the lone rider as I had to, by any means; reach Palamu for an indispensable assignment. And as the engine of my bike murdered the prevalent silence ensconced upon the notorious Patki jungle, my mind rode a different tide. I couldn’t refrain from thinking about the sorry state of affairs that had crippled the region which had given me some of the best moments of my life. It was incontrovertible that Palamu was sick and all of it because we did not care anymore.
Palamu is a once-famous-now-infamous district of the state of Jharkhand which owes its contemporary infamy to the various banned militant outfits that are active in the region. That however is just one side of the story. Each and every one of us who has been associated with Palamu is responsible for the disheartening plight of its misery. Palamu was a beautiful plain situated in the midst of the chotanagpur plateau. Palamu, per se, encapsulated the three most prized possessions the region once boasted off. Palash which yields excellent colors, Lah or Lac which is an expert fire resistant material and Mahua the fruits of which create the local intoxicant handiya. The district is bounded north by the river Son which separates it from the districts of Rohtas, and Aurangabad (Bihar), on the east by the districts of Chatra and Hazaribagh, on the south by the district Latehar and on the west by the district Garhwa and Chhatisgarh state. The region was rich in almost everything one could think of. It once had rich reserves of coal, bauxite and other commercially important minerals under its womb. It had great prospects for the tourism industry to thrive which could have effortlessly generated enough revenues to support its drooping economy. The forests of Palamu were once considered among the best in the country in terms of Wildlife dwellings. There are still around 40 species of mammals that coexist in the wild. Also, there are a whopping 170 species of birds that one could find in the greens of the district. Palamu was also declared a Tiger Reserve; after various studies projected it as the best region in India to protect tigers when the number of tigers in India reached all time lows. All the above facts should have easily put any region at an enviable platform. But unfortunately, with Palamu, that was not to be.
I meanwhile, was maneuvering my bike at a fairly decent speed when I crossed a small village which straddled NH-75. I was fortunate to have come that far on a Bandh. I encountered a couple of occasional police vehicles patrolling to make sure nothing went wrong. At least that’s what I think they hoped for, since the policemen were also flesh and blood like me, but unlike me, they were preferred targets for the militants who regularly ambushed them for looting their arms and ammunition. And these poor policemen, who seldom have enough ammunition to check insurgency, end up losing their dear lives. While I passed by this small hamlet, I saw an old woman blowing hard inside her choolha, (an earthen furnace) to reignite whatever little coal was left over in it. She probably couldn’t buy herself coal that day, since the Bandh call had been successful and all haulage on NH-75 had been whipped. A large chunk of Palamu’s population was still dependant on coal for their daily chores. Even when the world outside played Show-and-Tell with the latest technology in their kitchens, Liquefied Petroleum Gas and everything that was new and easy, this part of the world, like the old woman, was still blowing hard on the choolhas. That was primarily because the rich coal and mineral reserves of Palamu had become the new commodities on which, the self styled coal mafias, propped by some dodgy authorities, extorted control and manipulated its mining, transportation and distribution to fuel their personal ambitions and interests. The rulers of the region were only more than happy to get their shares out of these lucrative deals and forgot to spare a thought about the region that had made them all rich overnight. The people of Palamu, who deserved a much better treatment than what was meted out to them, continued living in abject poverty. Their repeated cries fell on deaf ears and their agonies never found a voice. And we, the so called ‘middle class’, who sometimes even do not want to be labeled from Palamu, were too busy with our own petty grievances, and ambitions to care about the old woman who asked nothing more than a thread to hang on to life.
My mind, as I continued my journey, wandered into unfathomable territories that day. I had spared a thought for Palamu after 24 years that I had lived under its sun. May be, even that day, I did it because I had nothing better to do, except driving on that endless road. As I moved forward, with prayers that I found no extremists waiting in anticipation of somebody who had breached the bandh, I forced my mind to get back to me so that I could concentrate on my driving. Suddenly I realized I was into the most beautiful part of the drive. The road was straddled with sal trees and the air which was warm so far suddenly got cooler. I felt relaxed and wanted to get off my bike for a while to enjoy the freshness that reigned the area. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it because the area was infected with people who operated under the veils of extremism. Naxalites, as they are characterized, are a dread in the area and were declared a banned outfit long back because they often adopted violent means to make themselves heard. The people of small rural areas like Palamu were soft targets for such extremists due to severe ignorance and illiteracy that is prevalent in these areas. The ignorant and unemployed local youth is misled by such extremist organizations and are trained covertly in guerilla warfare. The locals are then used to attack public installations, wreak havoc and create a state of anarchy in the entire region. The self styled commanders of these extremist outfits sit back and exploit the illiterate local people of such regions and more often than not, these exploitations end up in filling up their own pots. This dirty game then got filthier, with some knave politicians metamorphosing into benefactors of such organizations to grab political ascendancy. The beautiful valleys of Palamu were now home to dreaded militants and the once famous tourist attractions became avenues of unprecedented holocausts. Even the National Park at Betla, which had been commissioned as a Tiger Reserve for their conservation, and which once witnessed flocks of tourists all round the year, lost its charisma, thanks to the ever increasing militancy and the numb authorities, who turned out to be nothing more than mute spectators. Consequently, the tourist potentials of this region took a severe blow and Palamu repeatedly made it to the headlines, but for all the wrong reasons.
Thankfully, my journey had been uninterrupted so far, and I had almost covered three quarters of the distance to Daltonganj, the administrative headquarters of Palamu. Daltonganj, a small town of Palamu situated on the banks of river Koel. I remember playing cricket on Koel’s banks with my friends. I know that sounds weird, but we did play cricket on the sands of koel. A sudden wave of nostalgia brushed me, as I drove through the silence that was settled on every village, every hamlet I crossed. For the first part of my formal education, I went to Sacred Heart High, a reputed missionary school in Daltonganj. I was among the privileged lot to have studied in an English Medium School, which in itself was a matter of pride in the area. While I went to a missionary school which was the best in Palamu, children in various parts of the region worked as daily wage workers, orderlies, housekeepers and minions to make both ends meet. A large percentage of children in the region never went to schools, never looked beyond their grease smeared hands and sweaty eyebrows. Palamu still manages to keep the overall literacy rate well below 50% (45.67% to quote the government website for the region). While the male literacy rates plot a rising graph (59.76%, kudos to some genuine NGOs who made it possible), the Female literacy rates are still nowhere near to what can be called figures. A mere 30% of the female population ever visited school, but how many of them actually finished school? Well, that’s another question to be answered. I still remember Sameena, the daughter of our school bus driver, who was forced out of school by her father after the fifth grade. When I came across her father years after I passed out of Sacred Heart, I couldn’t help asking him about sameena. It was only then that I learnt that she had been married to a man from the nearby village, two years after she dropped school. We were still in the seventh grade then. Even today, when female empowerment makes it to the headlines so often, females in Palamu continue living under a rigid, orthodox social structure that can put the very word “female empowerment” to shame.
I knew I was about to reach Daltonganj in another five minutes when I realized I just passed by my School. It was after quite a long time that I had come back to where I belonged. After I finished high school, I had a four-year stint in South India, where I graduated in electrical engineering. Today with an engineering degree, I had a decent job with a global software giant. And somehow, all this, I owed to Palamu, my parents, my school, everyone who let me do whatever I wanted to. In a few months time I’d probably even leave India for foreign shores to live up to the commitments I had made to my employers. Good enough may be, but what after all of that is done? I wondered what my duties were. I wondered if I’d ever return any of the selfless favors that Palamu had bestowed upon me. After so much that I had absorbed from it, wasn’t it my turn now? Suddenly, I wanted to concentrate on my driving.
I reached Daltonganj. The effects of the Bandh were discernible. Almost all collapsible shutters were down and there were only a few vehicles moving. I was tired after the four hour journey, but was happy to finally be home. I entered the gates looking around for changes that had taken place while I was gone. I saw Ma waiting for me relieved, that I reached home safe. And me, well, I was home and had nothing to worry about. Not anymore.

The night that was......



"Ebar aamay jetey hobe..colleger shomoy hoye giyeche"… she told me.

I was happy the night was over. I was happy it was day again.

I slept all day.

It was a gruesome train journey to Calcutta (now Kolkata) and I had no idea why I was in that doomed train. All I can collect is , Sid had come down to Ranchi the day before and had unfolded his plans over some clandestine alcohol. We (read He) bought a bottle of R.C ( 'Royal Challenge' for the those of you who are caught unawares!) from a theka near my abode in Ranchi , although I am strictly against such acts of unwanted paranoia. But Sid still thinks he was some kind of a superman in his last incarnation, whose soul couldn’t transmigrate entirely after he died. And here he was, born again as a normal human being, who desperately wanted to become Paranormal or worse abnormal.

Hence came the alcohol ..into my house- via the steps- to the terrace.

''Mujhe Kalkatta janaa hai.. kal..Chalega?" he said gulping down the grail.

''main.??..pata nahi yaar..waise tujhe jaana kyon hai?'' I enquired.

''arey tu kisi baat ka jawaab de sakta hai ya nahi??..jab dekho ulta sawaal pooch leta hai!!'' he snapped.

I am a God fearing middle class Brahmin, and I was pensive. I was tensed , not because Sid snapped at me.. but because I knew all hell would break loose if my folks knew I was up there on the terrace, drinking something that would invite the wrath of Goddess Lakhshmi, send Saraswati infuriated out of the house and a whole gamut of Gods would spell doom.

Q.E.D I was tensed, coz alcohol synonyms blasphemy, but the alcohol was at work I must say coz it soon got the better off my religious epistemologies and I was…as they call it….hic..'HIGH'!!!

And so was Sid, coz while I was fighting back my conscience ..he had let loose half a dozen practically unbelievable, strategically unachievable and theoretically impossible stories of his heroics. Nonetheless, he had always been a friend, and we still were going strong over the alcohol.

Suddenly I had my moment of weakness. I floated over the year that had passed by and I realized I was free like a gull.. I had appeared for almost all the engineering entrances that season, and as you guessed, got through None. I deserved a break though I had done nothing worth it.

"Yess!!" I thought.. ''This could be my chance..Calcutta with Sid!!'' It was bound to be fun, I thought again, With all the Bengali chicks that I'd eye warm upon while Sid shopped for his garment store in daltonganj. WOW!! . Something,.. may be the alcohol ..or may be something else that I don’t remember made me answer him in the affirmative about the very first Question he posed .

''chalega''??

''Haan ...lekin Tickets??'' I said.

''Abey meri ticket pe dono chalenge..sona kisko hai??..T.T ko kuch paise de denge..maan jayega!!''

That was Sid and all he could be. I had never traveled without a ticket in my life until he made me do so. I was jealous of him, coz he made things really simple at times and he often left me wondering about why on earth couldn't I think like he did. And he did it yet again .as if this T.T.E was his long lost brother or like the poor man were his Father-in-Law.

The next thing I can remember is the Train. I had a heated confrontation with his 'Father-in-Law' until he took his writing pad out of the black coat and scribbled something illegibly. He had billed me for Rs.700. I wryly handed over the money to the T.T.E and hated every moment of it, when Sid who was nowhere to be seen until now appeared out of nowhere and gave me a blatant explanation about why he had slipped off just at the T.T.E 's apparition.

"Arey tuney paise kyun de diye yaar..mera intezaar kar leta"

I did not want to talk about it coz I was not buying his story this time or may be I wasn't smart enough. Whatever it was, it felt good to be out of Ranchi after a long time.

We reached at four in the morning and the city was already alive.

I had always liked Calcutta, for the magnificence that she symbolized , for the Trams and taxis that slithered around her streets. For her people, who always seemed to have taken life on full throttle. The city was already out of the bed and there was chaos everywhere. But somehow, I liked it all. It was the only metropolitan I had ever been to and it seemed my academic achievements as they stood, wouldn't have taken me any farther.

Suddenly, while I was smothering with admiration for the city, the trams, the taxis, the people, I heard Sid.

"Arey kahaan jaa raha hai tu??...idhar jaana hai us hotel me!!" Sid clamored.

It was then when I learnt that I had crossed over to the other side of the street and the hotel we were supposed to check into was on the opposite side and a couple of blocks away.

Minutes later we were standing in front of a mammoth concrete structure made up of large blocks of granite and painted red all over.

''HOTEL MEGHDOOT '' the signboard read.

We entered into it through the unguarded collapsible gates right under the grotesque signboard when a middle aged man with contorted looks almost screamed..

"aaiye sir, aaiye.. is baar kaafi dino baad aaye hain??"

My brain started processing the unknown signals that he had just transmitted. Had I been to this hotel before? I thought. I went back and forth in time but did not find a single instance of the hotel or any hotel of the same name.

"Haan is baar maal uthane me thodi der ho gayee.. aur sab badhiya??" Sid acknowledged.

''Ek double bed A.C deluxe room chahiye..apna waala'

It was only after we were into the cool ambience of the room when I learnt that this was the umpteenth time Sid was into this hotel when he was in Calcutta. In Fact, it was the only Hotel in Calcutta he had ever checked into.

Strange.. I thought and I couldn’t help wondering what had always maneuvered him to this Hotel and what made him log on to his 'apna waala Double bed ' room when he'd always travel alone for his trips. But it was him, Strange him and Stranger were his ways.

I don’t remember when I dozed off until I found Sid knocking on me as if we were supposed to catch the next flight home. And standing next to him was the same man who met us in the lobby with his old distorted looks.

''Chal taiyaar ho jaa…ghoom kar atey hain'' said Sid, with those irritating taps on my back which were growing both in magnitude and frequency. I slithered my way out of the bed coz I did not like the expressions that the man was incubating on his already distorted maxillofacial muscles.

Next thing, we ( me, Sid and the man) were on the Elevator of the Hotel.. but wait!! It was supposed to winch down if we were going anywhere out of the inn!! We we're moving up!

"Tere liye surprise hai.." he retorted with a triumphant gleam in his eyes. He was proud he had guessed what was going on in my head before I actually enquired about it.

In less than a minute we were on the Top Floor of the hotel. I could see the masts of all the other buildings surrounding the now seemingly haunted Hotel at my eye level.

We were walking through the incessant corridor when suddenly both of them stopped abruptly and I just managed to avoid dashing into the man whose grotesque expressions had metamorphosed into a wicked smile.

No one spoke for the next three seconds.

The man flung the door open with a jolt and what I saw inside was my most vivid memory for a long time.

It was a room full of women.

And every one of them stopped talking when we entered and looked upon us in unknown anticipation.

All thoughts, all my senses deserted me.

There were women, sitting on the chairs, standing by the closets, lying down on the bed, and on the floor. There were women who were married, with their vermilion clad countenance, there were girls of almost all ages and appearances scattered all over the room with utmost negligence as if they were prisoners of war waiting to be scavenged upon. Everyone was still. I was cold and felt sick.

I stepped out of the room as fast as I had entered it. I always knew there was something evil about that man with us who, it seemed to me, would land us into real trouble soon. I felt asphyxiated and wanted to get back to where I belonged. From where I stood, I could see a girl who by all means, was fast asleep. She was unaware of the silence that was prevalent inside those covert walls.

''Wo wali…wo jo so rahi hai….dus baje'' Sid grumbled, finally eroding the deadly silence, to the man who was still smiling slyly.

We were in the elevator again, but this time it was just me and Sid. The elevator was moving down and I heaved a sigh of relief. I was relieved, coz I did not have to witness the miserable plight of those women anymore. I was relieved that the devilish man was not in the elevator anymore. I was relieved that Sid was talking normally again. All the while that the man was around he had been very careful in his speech, speaking only after long pauses, with calculated vocabulary and absolute snobbery.

"tu mujhe wahan kyon le gaya tha.??." I snapped at him.

"arey tu darta kyun hai itna??" he retorted

''Ek ladki aane waali hai..aaj raat ko yahi rahegi hamare saath." "Chal ab bahar chalte hain..bhookh lagi hai''.

It was 6:30 P.M and the orange sky was just getting darker.

''Kya?? Tu pagal ho gaya hai kya??...I blurted out in disbelief. Yeh nahi ho sakta yaar!..tu pagal ho gaya hai''. I confirmed.

For once I wished he were not my friend. Suddenly Sid looked like an amorous fool who had got the basics wrong. I felt trapped. I did not have enough money to afford a different room where I could put up for that night and board the next train home.

''Abey tu bada ho gaya hai..!! bacchon jaisi baatein mat kar..yahi sahi wakt hai…main isliye tujhe kalkatta le kar aaya hoon …uskey purey 1700 rupaye diyen hain yaar..hum dono ke.'' Sid spoke out, in a manner that was characteristic of a concupiscent woman slayer.

''Dekh main kuch karney wala nahi hoon kisi ko…tu chahey kuch bhi kar''. I replied in a stentorian voice.

We had our dinner near the treacherous hotel. Meghdoot now reminded me of Meghnaad, the son of Ravana , the master of treachery and guile and who did give a tough time even to lord Rama. I was only a poor mortal.

It was 9:45 P.M. and we were back into the Hotel. I was counting on my contingencies. I was going to stay out, all the while Sid was with the girl, until he was done. Until she was gone.

The doorbell yelled. Sid opened the door in obnoxious haste. My heart pounded against my chest. I felt sick again.

She was a young girl in her early twenties and she was beautiful. She had dreamy eyes, which ensconced effortlessly into her perfectly suave countenance. She had a perfect jaw line that supported her carefully etched face. Her lips were colored just right to assign her an urbane persona. She was dressed in the same old black salwar kurta that she wore while she was sleeping in that doomed room on the top floor. She looked with utmost indifference to everything inside the room, including Sid and me.

I did not want to look at her anymore, coz I knew why she was with us. She knew it too.

I began looking out of the window to save my self from the embarrassment that my heart was brimming with.

''Naam kya hai tera..??''…Sid erupted out, eroding the deadly silence in a manner that did not come anywhere near to politeness. It was a long time that we passed out of Sacred Heart High, and Sid I am sure, did not retain any of the lessons taught of courtesy towards women

''aaliya'' she replied with an unassuming nonchalance in her voice. I was still standing where I stood when she entered the room. I was still looking outside the glass window. It was a dark night and it seemed it wouldn’t stop getting darker.

''Main neeche se cigarette le ke aata hoon…tu isse baat kar.'' smirked Sid. I did not know whom that sentence was addressed to, Me, or the girl and I did not give a damn.

It was five minutes since Sid left the room. I was still looking out of the window into unknown nothingness. I hated Calcutta. For the magnificence, that was a mere hoax. For its trams and taxis that seemed to carry women who were ready to get laid for a couple of currency notes. For its people who were pimps under their seemingly spic and span skins.

"Prothom baar naki?"(is it your first time?) I heard her speak. And the question was for me.

I did not speak a word. I was stiff as a rock. I couldn't move. My throat felt croupy and dry. I wanted to get out of that room. In a split second, I decided I was walking out.

I had to walk out of the room through the small gallery that ran between her and the door.

I did just what I planned in the past two seconds. I was walking. I walked through the gallery, all the while keeping my eyes off her, all the time keeping my eyes on the door that, at the moment, was my door to renaissance.

As I looked at the door, I was happy it was going to be over soon. I had almost made it.

I turned the knob … nothing happened.

The Door was locked from outside. Suddenly everything was clear. This was Sid's surprise gift to me. The girl!

I tried to open the door twenty one times and over but as luck would have it, it didn't.

The girl chortled watching me struggle with the door. I could hear her. I still didn’t look at her.

There was no way out now. Suddenly my cell phone beeped. It was a message from Sid. It read.

" darwaza maine bahar se lock kar diya hai, Khulega nahi. Mai paas waale room me hi hoon darna mat. Kal subeh milte hain''

I lost my mind. How could he possibly do this to me, I thought. I tried calling him up.

He had switched it off. I banged on the door. I shouted for rescue. But no one came for my cause.

And there I was, deserted in that room with a girl who was still chuckling, in the dead of the night. I wished I had never come to Calcutta with Sid. It was all my fault. And it was a hefty price I was paying. I felt sick.

''Ki holo? Bairey jaabey kaeno?''.( what happened? Why do you want to go out?) she enquired. I looked down at her. She sat on the bedside smiling at me as if this were some kind of joke I was enacting.

''Tum jahan baithi ho wahin baithi raho. Aur mujhse baat mat karna samjhi.?'' I retorted in an unforeseen fury. I suddenly wanted to hold her responsible for my sad state of affairs. For that weak moment, I forgot what we were taught at Sacred Heart High.

I knew this was it. I walked hastily to the wooden chair near the window and sulked, thinking a way out of those malevolently surreptitious walls. The cool ambience of the room was turning into a cold morbid chill.

It was 1 A.M and I was still there. It was getting cold inside. I could see droplets of water on the window, condensed from the warm atmosphere, which coalesced into larger drops until they were too large to defy gravity. Every was asleep. Everyone, but me. My sin? Well, I wanted to sleep. Alone.

I stole a glance, which I had so long evaded, at the girl who, may be, was trapped with me in the room. She was asleep. She was sleeping just the way she slept in the room on the Top Floor.

Finding everything my way finally, I began thinking about getting busted by the police in the middle of the night if they found out I was there in a room with a girl who was a sex worker and was not supposed to be there in the legal maxims.

I was tensed, I felt sick again.

No one came for the rest of the night. Not Sid, Not the devilish man, Not my folks from Ranchi, Not the Police. No one. I was still sitting on that piece of wood that had become increasingly uncomfortable as the night eroded until it was day again.

I had dozed off on the chair at around six when I could no more fight back sleep. A reluctant voice woke me up

''Ebaar aamay jetey hobe….colleger shomoy hoye giyeche''.( I have to leave now…its time for my college)

It was her. She was leaving. The door was open and I saw the wicked man smiling at her.

I was happy the night was over. I was happy it was day again.

I slept all day. Alone.